Killer Germs and Zombies

A friend of mine recently asked if she was alone in her parenting philosophy or lack of one. 

“Will you please blog about your friend who lets her kids eat without washing their hands and doesn’t blink to put a Walmart floor dirty paci back in his mouth?  I feel so alone.  I don’t even bathe my kids regularly.  Bedtime routine?  What’s that?

She went on to say  “What’s up with people telling me where my kid is in a store?  I know where my kid is asshole.  Keep shopping”.

I venture to say girlfriend you are NOT ALONE!  Not only do I not bathe my children every day, but I order them diet cokes at the drive thru .  YES.  I said DIET cokes.  And I dare say we are frequent visitors to said drive thru.  I’m ok with my 3 year old riding on the bottom of a shopping cart.  That's why we have antibiotics, right?  I’ve also been known to give my children produce bags to play with while grocery shopping.  I once had a lady ask me if I knew my 18 month old daughter was playing with the bag while sitting in the shopping cart.  “Who the #^$*@ do you think gave it to her lady"?

Another FB friend recently posted a picture of her daughter holding matches with the caption,

“It might be Friday night of a long week when you tell your kids they can take turns striking a box of matches if they get their room clean!”

So NO my dear friend.  You are not alone!  We gotta do what we gotta do to survive these little people.  They are smarter than us, stronger than us, and almost always cuter than us.  

The truth is our kids are just fine AND they are more than prepared for killer germs and zombies.  In fact we may BE the reason for killer germs and zombies!

written by Tabitha Mahaffey

6th Birthday Party Invitation

I'm really slacking this year....I mean REALLY slacking.   And the following birthday party invitation sent via text message proves it.

Jesus's Birthday Party

I work with other people's kids all week long, so asking me to volunteer my time on the weekend to help with more kids that aren't mine is not something I jump at the chance to do.  That being said, when people in your church say that they desperately need people to help on Sunday afternoons or they might not be able to do the AWANA program for the kids, you do it.  Even though I'm not Catholic, that Catholic guilt worked like a charm and I caved, I was now officially helping with the youngest group of 4 and 5 year olds.  It wasn't going to be too bad, once every few months, rotating the weekends with some of the other moms who caved to the guilt as well.

One of my weekends happened to be when we were celebrating Christmas.  I just knew that I had it made, quick lesson plan, then onto Jesus's birthday party complete with cake, ice cream, and a short little video.  I got pretty cocky about the fact that I didn't even have to remember to pick up snacks, it was all provided for me.

Everything was going great, kids were a little hyper due to the fact that they knew were going to a birthday party as soon as the lesson was over.  I herded my bunch of kids to the fellowship hall and got them settled in with their cake, ice cream and a glass of milk.  The movie started and I settled in my seat to enjoy the last 45 minutes of my volunteer work.

Right as I was starting to relax and thinking "this isn't so bad" it all came to an abrupt end and it certainly wasn't a good end.  I looked over at my group of kids and one of the boys was standing up in his chair with his pants pulled down and was rubbing his......well you know. 

Forgetting where I was and what I was doing I yelled "What the hell are you doing?!? This is Jesus's birthday party, put that away and watch your movie!!"  He quickly did as we told and moved on.  Me? I could not move on NEAR as quickly.  I was in shock that I had just witnessed such an act at Jesus's birthday party, I mean who does THAT at Jesus's birthday party?!?! It's not YOUR birthday party.  

It honestly took me a few minutes to remember that maybe I shouldn't have said "what the hell are you doing?"  but that was still pretty filtered for me and definately it could have been a whole lot worse.
But really, who the hell does that at Jesus's birthday party???
-Rachelle Morris

So this is the beginning of our "real moms" blog.

So this is the beginning of our "real moms" blog.  It spun out of the response from this FB post my sister made yesterday.  She had over 60 comments under her post and all from moms who "have been there".  It was a true testament to how much us moms need each other.  We gotta stick together mammas.  Our kids are bat shit crazy!

For all those mom's who aren't up for mom of the year like me, this is for you. For all those that do happen to be up for mom of the year, you are either going to want to stop reading now or unfriend me when you are done, either way is fine with me. 
I am the mom that lost my ever loving mind on my kids this morning, I reverted to acting like a child to convey my annoyance, frustration and anger. It didn't help really, they got more frustrated and cried, I felt guilty and like a craptastic mother, so a lose lose situation at its finest. The judgmental look from the neighbor as she watched me try to herd my kids into the car with all their belongings was especially helpful. It was like I was the mom that was being written about in that stupid Mom on the iPhone blog, except it was about the fact that I lost my sh*t today and it had an extra side of "wow, she's a hot mess". 
Why would I put this on FB?? Why admit that I had a very ugly morning with my kids?? Because at some point we all do and it made me feel better this morning to talk to my sister and my soul sister who helped me see that one moment does not define you as a mom. You apologize to your kids and try to do better and you don't judge other moms because they have a bad moment or a bad day. You share your own bad moments, maybe share a drink (if it hadn't been so early I so would have) and you love each other. And to my neighbor...if you enjoyed the show this morning you'll have to wait for the sequel....not sure when it's coming out, but I'm sure it will at some point.  - Rachelle Morris

If any of you know my sister, you know her mouth is big but her heart is bigger.  She is a hard working mother of 3 beautiful children who happen to test her patience on occasion.  Kuddos to you for sharing the "ugly" side of motherhood, sis!

Our goal is to simply blog about the ups and downs of parenting, post the crazy stuff we do in order to survive, and maybe share a cocktail recipe or 2.  Consider it a support group for moms of sorts.  Lord knows we need each other, ladies.  - Tabitha Mahaffey